Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month



(The following information can be used with your peer helpers as they facilitate Peer Education Activities to groups of their peers)

 What Is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month?

February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month (TDVAM).  This is an issue that impacts everyone – not just teens – but their parents, teachers, friends and communities as well.  Together, we can raise the nation’s awareness about teen dating violence and promote safe, healthy relationships. 
In his Teen Dating Violence Awareness & Prevention Month Proclamation President Obama called on all Americans “to stand against dating violence when we see it.”  At a time when an estimated 1 in 10 teens will experience dating violence we all must take this opportunity to amplify our efforts and shine a spotlight on this important issue. 

What Is the Impact of Teen Dating Violence?

Nationwide, youth age 12 to 19 experience the highest rates of rape and sexual assault.  Studies show that approximately 10% of adolescents report being the victim of physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner during the previous year.  Girls are particularly vulnerable to experiencing violence in their relationships and are more likely to suffer long-term behavioral and health consequences, including suicide attempts, eating disorders, and drug use.
Adolescents in abusive relationships often carry these unhealthy
patterns of violence into future relationships.  Indeed, children who are victimized or witness violence frequently bring this experience with them to the playground, the classroom, later into teen relationships and, ultimately, they can end up the victims and perpetrators of adult intimate partner violence.

How Do I Participate in Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month?

During Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month (TDVAM), we aim to break the cycle of violence by providing support and services to victims, their families and their communities.  The following activities represent just a few of the exciting ways that everyone can – and hopefully will – engage in this work:
  • TeenDVmonth Toolkit (link is external) – a brand new toolkit released by Break the Cycle just in time for TDVAM.  The toolkit provides adult allies with resources to engage communities, especially youth, in a discussion about healthy relationships. 
  • What's Real Tool Kit (link is external) – The Idaho Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence's Center for Healthy Teen Relationships' (link is external) new toolkit has an array of resources for use year-round as well as during TDVAM.  It includes a youth-led positive social marketing campaign; posters, stickers, bookmarks, and other materials to engage both youth and adult influencers; and reproducible materials you can use to engage youth online. 
  • Safety Planning Guide (link is external) – a project of Break the Cycle (link is external) and the National Dating Abuse Helpline (link is external).  The interactive planning guide allows youth to create a personalized safety plan for work, school, home and while out with a partner.  It also provides tips, local resources, and a pocket-sized personalized safety checklist.   
  • That’s Not Cool Ambassador Program (link is external) – the Ambassador Program is a unique opportunity for teens to raise awareness with friends, family, and the community at large.  By completing monthly challenges, That’s Not Cool Ambassadors contribute their unique voices to this national initiative while helping to raise awareness about digital dating abuse in their schools and local communities.  All teens and tweens across the country are invited to join this Futures Without Violence (link is external) initiative. 
  • Preventing and Responding to Teen Dating Violence (link is external)– this collection of materials including curricula, training tools, guide books, fact sheets, applied research papers, and model programs, emphasizes collaborative and multilevel approaches to the prevention of and response to teen dating violence.  It includes information related to: 1) young people, 2) parents and care takers, 3) men and boys, 4) teachers and school-based professionals, 5) health care professionals, and 6) domestic violence and sexual violence service providers.
  • Runaway & Homeless Youth and Relationship Violence Toolkit (link is external)– this toolkit was developed by and for advocates, from the runaway and homeless youth and domestic violence and sexual assault fields, to help programs better address relationship violence among youth who have run away from home, are living on the streets or are homeless.  Sections of the toolkit include key terms and definitions, research and resources, a look at each field, recommendations for building partnerships and services, sample materials, and help for teens in need.  Check out this one page fact sheet (link is external) about the toolkit (PDF, 1 page).   
Blog!  Tweet!  Or Participate in a Webinar!

The Family Violence Prevention and Services Program at the Administration for Children and Families is working to bring visibility to the work of advocates, the strength of victims, and the Federal initiatives addressing this pervasive issue by hosting social media events and webinars throughout the month of February.  Click here to access their calendar of events (PDF, 2 pages).

Talk to Teens!
Everyone can make a difference by reaching out to young people in simple ways.  As we interact with teens in our work or personal lives each of us can act on President Obama’s call to stand against teen dating violence by:
  • Discussing the warning signs (link is external) of dating abuse (all kinds (link is external), not just physical abuse) (See Below)
  • Creating a positive connection to the issue – talk about the characteristics of healthy teen relationships (link is external), not just abusive ones – and use statistics sparingly. (See Below)
  • Talking about how the media portrays healthy and unhealthy relationships.  For example, many popular movies, TV shows, commercials, books, and magazines portray stalking as romantic or harmless when it is actually very dangerous. 
  • Getting involved even if you don’t have a lot of resources – an information table, classroom discussion, or school announcement can get the conversation started. 
Anyone Can Do It!

Anyone can participate in TDVAM!  Consider one of the following activities:
  • Request a TDVAM proclamation from your state or local government.
  • Register your local school for the National School Announcement (link is external).
  • Ask local school teachers to include a discussion about healthy relationships in their February lesson plans
  • Write an op-ed in your local newspaper.
  • Support youth-led events and projects.
  • Peer Helpers present peer led education lessons in classes to their peers.
How Do I Get Help?

If you know of a teen or parent that could benefit from speaking to a caring, well-trained peer advocate, please connect them with the National Dating Abuse Helpline, a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, at 1-866-331-9474 (TTY: 1-866-331-8453), by texting "lovies" to 77054, or through live chat at loveisrespect.org. (link is external)
For more information, please visit the Department of Justice, Office on Violence Women.
 

Warning Signs of Dating Abuse

Being able to tell the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships can be more difficult than you would think. No two relationships are the same, so what’s unhealthy in one relationship may be abusive in another. Although there are many signs to pay attention to in a relationship, look for these common warning signs of dating abuse:
·         Checking cell phones, emails or social networks without permission
·         Extreme jealousy or insecurity
·         Constant belittling or put-downs
·         Explosive temper
·         Making false accusations
·         Constant mood swings towards you
·         Physically inflicting pain or hurt in any way
·         Possessiveness
·         Telling someone what they can and cannot do
·         Repeatedly pressuring someone to have sex

What is a Healthy Relationship?

Different people define relationships in different ways. But in order for a relationship to be healthy, it needs a few key ingredients!

Healthy Communication

Open, honest and safe communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. The first step to building a relationship is making sure you both understand each other’s needs and expectations—being on the same page is very important. That means you have to talk to each other! The following tips can help you and your partner create and maintain a healthy relationship:
  • Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in.
  • Respect Each Other. Your partner’s wishes and feelings have value, and so do yours. Let your significant other know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.
  • Compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and rational way.
  • Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and encouragement to each other. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other down.
  • Respect Each Other’s Privacy. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space.

Healthy Boundaries

Creating boundaries is a good way to keep your relationship healthy and secure. By setting boundaries together, you can both have a deeper understanding of the type of relationship that you and your partner want. Boundaries are not meant to make you feel trapped or like you’re “walking on eggshells.” Creating boundaries is not a sign of secrecy or distrust — it’s an expression of what makes you feel comfortable and what you would like or not like to happen within the relationship.
Remember, healthy boundaries shouldn’t restrict your ability to:
  • Go out with your friends without your partner.
  • Participate in activities and hobbies you like.
  • Not have to share passwords to your email, social media accounts or phone.
  • Respect each other’s individual likes and needs.

Healthy Relationship Boosters

Even healthy relationships can use a boost now and then. You may need a boost if you feel disconnected from your partner or like the relationship has gotten stale. If so, find a fun, simple activity you both enjoy, like going on a walk, and talk about the reasons why you want to be in the relationship. Then, keep using healthy behaviors as you continue dating.
If you’re single (and especially if you’re a single parent), don’t worry if you need a boost too! Being single can be the best and worst feeling but remember relationships don’t just include your significant other and you. Think about all the great times you’ve had with your parents, siblings, friends, children, other family members, etc..
Try going out with the people you love and care about the most — watch movies together, go out to eat, take a day off from your busy life and just enjoy being you! If it helps, also talk about your feelings about the relationships in your life. If you just want them to listen, start by telling them that. Then ask what makes relationships good and what makes them bad? Along the way, if you need advice, feel free to contact us. We’re here to help 24/7.
And don’t forget, the relationship you can always boost up is the one you have with yourself!

What Isn’t a Healthy Relationship?

Relationships that are not healthy are based on power and control, not equality and respect. In the early stages of an abusive relationship, you may not think the unhealthy behaviors are a big deal. However, possessiveness, insults, jealous accusations, yelling, humiliation, pulling hair, pushing or other abusive behaviors, are — at their root — exertions of power and control. Remember that abuse is always a choice and you deserve to be respected. There is no excuse for abuse of any kind.
If you think your relationship is unhealthy, it’s important to think about your safety now. Consider these points as you move forward:
  • Understand that a person can only change if they want to. You can’t force your partner to alter their behavior if they don’t believe they’re wrong.
  • Focus on your own needs. Are you taking care of yourself? Your wellness is always important. Watch your stress levels, take time to be with friends, get enough sleep. If you find that your relationship is draining you, consider ending it.
  • Connect with your support systems. Often, abusers try to isolate their partners. Talk to your friends, family members, teachers and others to make sure you’re getting the emotional support you need. Remember, our advocates are always ready to talk if you need a listening ear.
  • Think about breaking up. Remember that you deserve to feel safe and accepted in your relationship.
Even though you cannot change your partner, you can make changes in your own life to stay safe. Consider leaving your partner before the abuse gets worse. Whether you decide to leave or stay, make sure to use our safety planning tips to stay safe. Remember, you have many options — including obtaining a domestic violence restraining order. Laws vary from state to state so chat with a peer advocate to learn more.
If you are still unsure whether you’re in a healthy relationship, our Healthy Relationships Quiz can help you.


This project was supported by Grant Number 90EV0426 from the Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Family and Youth Services Bureau, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The opinions, findings, conclusions and recommendations expressed in this publication are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Family and Youth Services Bureau, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

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