Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month
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(The following information can be used with your
peer helpers as they facilitate Peer Education Activities to groups of their peers)
What Is Teen Dating Violence
Awareness and Prevention Month?
February is National Teen
Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month (TDVAM). This is an
issue that impacts everyone – not just teens – but their parents, teachers,
friends and communities as well. Together, we can raise the nation’s
awareness about teen dating violence and promote safe, healthy
relationships.
In his Teen Dating Violence Awareness &
Prevention Month Proclamation President Obama called
on all Americans “to stand against dating violence when we see it.” At
a time when an estimated 1 in 10 teens will experience dating violence we all
must take this opportunity to amplify our efforts and shine a spotlight on
this important issue.
What Is the Impact of Teen
Dating Violence?
Nationwide, youth age 12 to 19
experience the highest rates of rape and sexual assault. Studies show
that approximately 10% of adolescents report being the victim of physical
violence at the hands of an intimate partner during the previous year.
Girls are particularly vulnerable to experiencing violence in their
relationships and are more likely to suffer long-term behavioral and health
consequences, including suicide attempts, eating disorders, and drug use.
Adolescents
in abusive relationships often carry these unhealthy
patterns
of violence into future relationships. Indeed, children who are
victimized or witness violence frequently bring this experience with them to
the playground, the classroom, later into teen relationships and, ultimately,
they can end up the victims and perpetrators of adult intimate partner
violence.
How Do I Participate in Teen
Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month?
During Teen Dating Violence
Awareness and Prevention Month (TDVAM), we aim to break the cycle of violence
by providing support and services to victims, their families and their
communities. The following activities represent just a few of the
exciting ways that everyone can – and hopefully will – engage in this work:
TeenDVmonth Toolkit (link is
external) – a brand new toolkit released by Break the
Cycle just in time for TDVAM. The toolkit provides adult allies
with resources to engage communities, especially youth, in a discussion
about healthy relationships.
What's Real Tool Kit (link is
external) – The Idaho Coalition Against Domestic and
Sexual Violence's Center
for Healthy Teen Relationships' (link is external)
new toolkit has an array of resources for use year-round as well as
during TDVAM. It includes a youth-led positive social marketing
campaign; posters, stickers, bookmarks, and other materials to engage
both youth and adult influencers; and reproducible materials you can use
to engage youth online.
That’s Not Cool Ambassador
Program
(link is external) – the Ambassador Program
is a unique opportunity for teens to raise awareness with friends,
family, and the community at large. By completing monthly
challenges, That’s Not Cool Ambassadors contribute their unique voices
to this national initiative while helping to raise awareness about digital
dating abuse in their schools and local communities. All teens and
tweens across the country are invited to join this Futures
Without Violence (link is external)
initiative.
Preventing and Responding to
Teen Dating Violence (link is external)– this collection
of materials including curricula, training tools, guide books, fact
sheets, applied research papers, and model programs, emphasizes
collaborative and multilevel approaches to the prevention of and
response to teen dating violence. It includes information related
to: 1) young people, 2) parents and care takers, 3) men and boys, 4)
teachers and school-based professionals, 5) health care professionals,
and 6) domestic violence and sexual violence service providers.
Runaway & Homeless Youth
and Relationship Violence Toolkit (link is external)– this toolkit was
developed by and for advocates, from the runaway and homeless youth and
domestic violence and sexual assault fields, to help programs better
address relationship violence among youth who have run away from home,
are living on the streets or are homeless. Sections of the toolkit
include key terms and definitions, research and resources, a look at
each field, recommendations for building partnerships and services,
sample materials, and help for teens in need. Check out this one
page fact
sheet
(link is external) about the toolkit
(PDF, 1 page).
Blog! Tweet! Or
Participate in a Webinar!
The Family Violence Prevention
and Services Program at the Administration for Children and Families is
working to bring visibility to the work of advocates, the strength of
victims, and the Federal initiatives addressing this pervasive issue by hosting
social media events and webinars throughout the month of February.
Click here
to access their calendar of events (PDF, 2 pages).
Talk to Teens!
Everyone can make a difference
by reaching out to young people in simple ways. As we interact with
teens in our work or personal lives each of us can act on President Obama’s
call to stand against teen dating violence by:
Talking about how the
media portrays healthy and unhealthy relationships. For example,
many popular movies, TV shows, commercials, books, and magazines portray
stalking as romantic or harmless when it is actually very dangerous.
Getting involved even if
you don’t have a lot of resources – an information table, classroom
discussion, or school announcement can get the conversation
started.
Anyone Can Do It!
Anyone can participate in
TDVAM! Consider one of the following activities:
Request a TDVAM
proclamation from your state or local government.
Ask local school teachers
to include a discussion about healthy relationships in their February
lesson plans
Write an op-ed in your
local newspaper.
Support youth-led events
and projects.
Peer Helpers present peer
led education lessons in classes to their peers.
How Do I Get Help?
If you know of a teen or parent that could benefit from speaking to a
caring, well-trained peer advocate, please connect them with the National
Dating Abuse Helpline, a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline,
at 1-866-331-9474 (TTY: 1-866-331-8453), by texting "lovies" to
77054, or through live chat at loveisrespect.org. (link is external)
For more information, please visit the Department of Justice, Office on Violence Women.
Warning Signs of Dating Abuse
Being able to tell the
difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships can be more
difficult than you would think. No two relationships are the same, so what’s unhealthy
in one relationship may be abusive in another.
Although there are many signs to pay attention to in a relationship, look for
these common warning signs of dating abuse:
Different people define relationships in different ways. But in order
for a relationship to be healthy, it needs a few key ingredients!
Healthy Communication
Open, honest
and safe communication
is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. The first step to building a
relationship is making sure you both understand each other’s needs and
expectations—being on the same page is very important. That means you have to
talk to each other! The following tips can help you and your partner create
and maintain a healthy relationship:
Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if something is
bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in.
Respect Each Other. Your partner’s wishes and feelings have value,
and so do yours. Let your significant other know you are making an
effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in
maintaining healthy relationships.
Compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of healthy
relationships, but it’s important that you find a way to compromise if
you disagree on something. Try to solve conflicts
in a fair and rational way.
Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and encouragement to each
other. Also, let your partner know when you need their support. Healthy
relationships are about building each other up, not putting each other
down.
Respect Each Other’s
Privacy. Just because
you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to share everything and
constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space.
Healthy Boundaries
Creating
boundaries is a good
way to keep your relationship healthy and secure. By setting boundaries
together, you can both have a deeper understanding of the type of
relationship that you and your partner want. Boundaries are not meant to make
you feel trapped or like you’re “walking on eggshells.” Creating boundaries
is not a sign of secrecy or distrust — it’s an expression of what makes you
feel comfortable and what you would like or not like to happen within the
relationship.
Remember, healthy boundaries shouldn’t restrict your ability to:
Go out with your friends without
your partner.
Participate in activities and
hobbies you like.
Not have to share passwords to
your email, social media accounts or phone.
Respect each other’s individual
likes and needs.
Healthy Relationship Boosters
Even healthy relationships can use a boost now and then. You may need
a boost if you feel disconnected from your partner or like the relationship
has gotten stale. If so, find a fun, simple activity you both enjoy, like going
on a walk, and talk about the reasons why you want to be in the relationship.
Then, keep using healthy behaviors as you continue dating.
If you’re single (and especially if you’re a single parent), don’t
worry if you need a boost too! Being single can be the best and worst feeling
but remember relationships don’t just include your significant other and you.
Think about all the great times you’ve had with your parents, siblings,
friends, children, other family members, etc..
Try going out with the people you love and care about the most —
watch movies together, go out to eat, take a day off from your busy life and
just enjoy being you! If it helps, also talk about your feelings about the
relationships in your life. If you just want them to listen, start by telling
them that. Then ask what makes relationships good and what makes them bad?
Along the way, if you need advice, feel free to contact us. We’re here to
help 24/7.
And don’t forget, the relationship you can always boost up is the one
you have with yourself!
What Isn’t a Healthy Relationship?
Relationships that are not healthy are based on power and control,
not equality and respect. In the early stages of an abusive relationship,
you may not think the unhealthy behaviors are a big deal. However,
possessiveness, insults, jealous accusations, yelling, humiliation, pulling
hair, pushing or other abusive behaviors, are — at their root — exertions of
power and control. Remember that abuse is always a choice and you deserve to
be respected. There is no excuse for abuse of any kind.
If you think your relationship is unhealthy, it’s important to think
about your safety now. Consider these points as you move forward:
Understand that a person can
only change if they want to. You can’t force your partner to alter their
behavior if they don’t believe they’re wrong.
Focus on your own needs. Are you
taking care of yourself? Your wellness is always important. Watch your
stress levels, take time to be with friends, get enough sleep. If you
find that your relationship is draining you, consider ending it.
Connect with your support
systems. Often, abusers try to isolate their
partners. Talk to your friends, family members, teachers and others to
make sure you’re getting the emotional support you need. Remember, our
advocates are always ready to talk if you need a listening ear.
Think about breaking
up. Remember that you deserve to feel safe
and accepted in your relationship.
Even though you cannot change your partner, you can make changes in
your own life to stay safe. Consider leaving your partner before the abuse
gets worse. Whether you decide to leave or stay, make sure to use our safety
planning tips to stay safe. Remember, you have many
options — including obtaining a domestic violence restraining
order. Laws vary from state to state so chat with a
peer advocate to learn more.
If you are still unsure whether you’re in a healthy relationship, our
Healthy
Relationships Quiz can help you.
·
·
This project was supported by Grant Number 90EV0426 from the Administration
on Children, Youth and Families, Family and Youth Services Bureau, U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services. The opinions, findings, conclusions
and recommendations expressed in this publication are those of the author(s)
and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Administration on Children,
Youth and Families, Family and Youth Services Bureau, U.S. Department of
Health and Human Services.
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